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Vacuum Cleaner Blues

October 3, 2009 Story Time No Comments
Vacuum CleanerI recently lost my house keeper temporarily…she fell off her horse and broke her back….so my mom and I decided we COULD clean house.
My house is a large tri-level Italian-style house.
My idea was that we should clean one level at a time…mom volunteered to vacuum…I cleaned all the glass (which was a lot) and dusted everything…I cleaned the half bath and the laundry room and was waiting for mom to do the vacuuming so that I could mop (I have NO carpet).
Well, it takes mom at least 2 hours to get dressed in the morning…by the time she was ready, I was finished with my portion except for the mopping so I was taking a break.
She got the vacuum cleaner out and turned it on for about 2 minutes and turned it off…she wanted to change the bag, but could not figure out how to get it open and called me to help her…I took ONE look at the vacuum…it looked like an “alien” to me…I pushed all the buttons I saw…nothing happened except it went on and off and the cord rolled up…I have not vacuumed in 25 years…I did not have a clue as to what to do…I told her that Dana always changed the bag timely and that I was sure the bag was all right…so we gave up on that.
She turned the vacuum on again and turned it off after 2 minutes…she wanted to sweep up 3 leaves that fell off a plant in the bathroom instead of vacuuming them…so I got the broom and the dustpan for her…she swept the leaves and took them outside to the flowerbed.
She turned the vacuum on again…2 minutes later she turned it off…she wanted to pick up ONE clump of cat poo out of the litter box…she double bagged it in WalMart bags, then put it in a large kitchen bag and took it outside to the garbage can…I did not say anything, but she was definitely getting on my nerves.
She turned the vacuum on again…2 minutes later she turned it off…she began fretting over the BAG again…I told her that she was “on her own”…finally she got  it open…then she told me that we did not have any new bags…I told her that I was sure we had bags…Dana always tells me when I am out of anything…so I went down there and found the bags…it DID take us a while to figure out how to get the old bag out and the new bag in….which I may say was only HALF- full.
She turned the vacuum on again…and you GUESSED it…turned it off again after about 2 minutes…she told me that there were 3 pieces of trash in the bathroom can and she was going to empty that………WELL that was the LAST straw…I asked her how much she had gotten vacuumed…she said, “NONE”…I told her that I had been timing her and she had spent 33 minutes doing NOTHING…I told her I would get the garbage and for her to vacuum.
She turned the vacuum on again and turned it off…she had the unmitigated gall to ask me to write it down on the calendar when she vacuumed the bottom level…I was livid…I said, “Why??? so you can look forward to the next time you get to do it???”  She said, “Heck no and kiss my foot!”
Well, that was a month ago..we have it “down pat” now and we CAN get the vacuum open now!!!
I hope you needed another laugh.

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